There are myriads of advice on what makes a successful marriage from sharing hobbies to never going to bed angry. If you grew up the child of either divorced parents or those who never had a single fight, you may feel like you are unprepared for the journey of marriage. While there is no single right formula for what makes a marriage work, there are two qualities that are worth striving for if you want to give yours a fighting chance.
Communicating effectively is all about giving information in the way another person can understand. A Post-It note on the fridge that says, “Out with friends – don’t wait up” may seem perfectly clear to you, but to your partner, the underlying message may be, “I like my friends more than you and that’s why I didn’t call and tell you where I was going.” If you feel you are clear in your meaning, but your spouse doesn’t get what you’re communicating, couples therapy Lafayette LA may help you get on the same page.
Whether you’ve witnessed happy or unhappy marriages in your lifetime, release your marriage from any preconceived notions or expectations. Your parents may have held hands everywhere, but if your spouse doesn’t want to, it doesn’t mean she loves you any less, for example. If you grew up watching dramatic television, you may feel bereft if your partner doesn’t want to jump in the sack morning, noon and night. Other people’s marriages (especially fake ones from TV and movies) should not be the standard by which yours is judged. With marriage, you create a singular partnership that is like no other. What works well for the two of you is your own business and should not be up for comparison.
Marriages require work, trust and commitment. There is no magic formula for making yours work other than putting in the time and energy necessary to keep it viable.